Key events
90+5 min Palmer is booked for taking too long over a corner.
90+3 min Make that six bookings. Heaven overruns the ball and dives in on Gusto. Both players went in with their studs showing; Heaven got the ball and then followed through into Gusto’s shin. It’ll be checked by VAR but the relative lack of force will probably stop it being upgraded to a red.
90+1 min: Chelsea substitution Malo Gusto replaces Pedro Neto.
90 min Ugarte lunges at Cucurella and becomes the fifth Man Utd player to be booked. There will be seven minutes of added time.
87 min Chelsea are managing this well, keeping Manchester United pinned in their own half.
That said, United have been dreadful since going a goal down, and they weren’t exactly Hungary 1953 reincarnate beforehand.
86 min Chelsea’s goal difference means they are essentially guaranteed to finish in the top five if they win tonight and at the City Ground next weekend. Poor though the game has been, Chelsea have done more than enough to deserve three points.
84 min Man Utd look resigned to an 18th league defeat of the season; that’s the most since they were relegated in 1974. They’re awful – but the same team has scored 13 goals in three home matches in the knockout rounds of the Europa League. I have no idea.
82 min: Double substitution for Man Utd Ayden Heaven and Kobbie Mainoo come on for Luke Shaw and Bruno Fernandes.
81 min: Chelsea substitution Romeo Lavia replaces Tyrique George, who worked hard in an unfamiliar role up front. That presumably means a switch to 4-3-3 with Cole Palmer playing as a false nine.
Good save by Sanchez
79 min It’s raining shots on target. Amad crackles infield from the right, hugging the ball on his left foot and teasing Cucurella. Eventually he shifts the ball and whacks a shot from the angle that is pushed round the near post by Sanchez. Nice effort from Amad, who is at his most dangerous when he has a defender backpedalling into the are.a
78 min Make that three, a shot from the edge of the area by Neto that Onana saves comfortably.
78 min Manchester United still haven’t had a shot on target. Chelsea have only had two but at the moment that looks like enough.
77 min Garnacho tries to run James and ends up on the floor holding his face. The referee invites him to get to his feet.
76 min This is the Champions League race as things stand.
75 min “Hi Rob,” says Peter Oh. “What better way for the Europa League finalists to prepare for the big match than by doing what they do best?”
Great chance for Madueke!
73 min Chelsea should be home and hosed. Palmer receives the ball on the half turn and guides a perfect angled pass through to Madueke. He controls it immaculately on the run but then slices well wide from 12 yards.
Reece James, on the edge of the area in the inside-right channel, pirouetted neatly away from Ugarte and teased a beautiful cross to the far post. Cucurella got between Lindelof and Mazraoui to power a fine header back across Onana and into the net. That’s an excellent goal, one that the usually inscrutable Enzo Maresca celebrates with a primeval roar to the heavens.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Man Utd (Cucurella 71)
Chelsea’s full-backs combine for a priceless goal!
70 min: Double substitution for Man Utd Manuel Ugarte and Alejandro Garnacho replace Casemiro and Mason Mount.
69 min Diallo is booked for diving in the Chelsea area. Good spot from Chris Kavanagh; Amad took his punishment without complaint.
68 min “I have watched quite a lot of this Man Utd ghost ship these past couple of months and as someone who remembers Sir Alex Ferguson’s juggernaut smashing the opposition, I guess there is still an element of schadenfreude,” writes Steve Grundy. “However, I do feel a bit sorry for Højlund, who just seems lost out there & is seriously low on confidence. Surely it would be better to take him out of the firing line? (No doubt, he’ll bag a hat trick now.)”
If Joshua Zirkzee was fit I’m sure he’d be playing tonight and in the Europa League final. The only other option is Chido Obi, who is a) 17 and b) ineligible in the Europa League. I thought he might get more minutes in the Premier League though.
66 min This is a horrible game of football. Seventeen years ago, these were the two best teams in Europe.
64 min Mazraoui flattens Colwill and is booked. That looks a bit harsh – I’m not sure how Mazraoui could get out of the way as Colwill ran towards him. They collided and Colwill went down.
No penalty!
63 min Chris Kavanagh looks at the video and changes his mind. A simple decision really. Onana didn’t need to come out that far, with George going nowhere, but he got a strong hand on the ball.
62 min Replays show that Onana got a decent touch on the ball so this will probably be overturned. Yep, the referee is going to the monitor.
Penalty to Chelsea!
61 min Man Utd are disputing it but Onana has been penalised after coming a long way off his line to dive at the feet of George.
60 min This is a huge half hour for Chelsea and particularly Enzo Maresca. You’d expect him to be in charge next season regardless, but Chelsea are approaching a fork in the road: Champions League to the left, Europa League to the right.
58 min Chelsea don’t have any attackers on the bench, just defenders and midfielders. Nicolas Jackson is suspended, Jadon Sancho ineligible and both Christopher Nkunku and Marc Guiu are injured.
56 min “There’s an entrenched and soundly reasoned idea out there, that eventually Premier League clubs will be so rich that they’ll hoard all the football talent and English teams will sweep all before them in the Champions League,” says Kári Tulinius. “But looking at the nonsense sides these two extremely wealthy institutions are fielding, full of expensive round pegs in square holes designed by well-remunerated coaches, I can’t help but wonder if decadence won’t be too much of a drag on the Premier League superclubs. Considering their resources, basic economics suggest Manchester United and Chelsea should field good sides, but these two teams are lukewarm wastewater. Neither club faces any economic pressure to be better. One or both could be in the Champions League next season. That makes no football sense.”
55 min Fernandes whacks over from the edge of the box after a quick break involving Mount and then Amad. Fernandes is frustrated because he wanted an earlier pass from Amad. By the time it came he had to take the short first time under pressure from Cucurella.
54 min “At our school, instead of amo-amas-amat, it was laudo-laudas-laudat,” says Niall Mullen. “In an all-boys school in eighties Ireland I guess the concept of love was just too dangerous, even in Latin.”
Chance for Mason Mount!
52 min Mount turns well, finds Amad on the right and keeps running. Amad goes at Cucurella and then pushes the ball back to Mount, who slices well wide from 15 yards with his left foot. It wasn’t the easiest ball to take on the run, especially with his weaker foot, but it was still a chance.
51 min “Was that commentary from Mexico vs USA really Scott Murray,” begins Jason Jawando, “or was he using an early version of AI to file his report while he relaxed on a sun lounger or whatever it was journalists did to relax in 2002?”
There was AI in 2002? I thought the only AI back then came out of Ali G’s mouth.
50 min This is a bit weird. The referee has ordered Rasmus Hojlund to remove some strapping and possibly a bit of jewellery. He runs to give it to the kit man, then has to stay off the field for 30 seconds.
49 min James’ free-kick hits the wall.
Full time: Aston Villa 2-0 Tottenham Hotspur
That result means Chelsea have to win tonight, or else.
48 min Casemiro pulls back Palmer 25 yards from goal and is booked.
47 min “Rob,” says Brian Broderick. “One love: Amo(rim), Amas(s), Amad…”
46 min Chelsea get the second half under way; no substitutions.
Half-time entertainment
Hard to imagine, but the internet was once an innocent place. The hilarious commentary cited in this clip actually came from Scott Murray’s liveblog of the game.
Half time: Chelsea 0-0 Man Utd
The bad news is that was a dreadful first half. The good news is that Roy Keane is about to express the previous sentence in a more entertaining manner.
Chelsea had slightly the better of a nervy, scrappy contest and came closest to scoring when Reece James hit the post with a classy long-range strike. Harry Maguire thought he’d put Manchester United ahead with an excellent finish on the half-volley; alas, his shoulder was offside and the goal was ruled out.
45+3 min “Can I just point out to Matt Dony that he’ll never amass any friends at parties with that kind of pun on people’s names patter?” says Justin Kavanagh. “And he can’t dony it.”
Palmer denied by Onana
45 min Madueke moves infield form the left and pushes the ball back to Palmer, who whips a deflected shot from 20 yards that is clawed away by Onana, leaping to his left. Fernandez puts the rebound over from eight yards, a lamentable miss that didn’t matter because replays showed he was offside. Palmer’s would have counted.
45 min James is on his feet and back on the field after his mandatory 30 seconds on the touchline.
43 min Reece James is down with an ankle problem. He went up for a header and then landed on Patrick Dorgu’s foot, forcing him to roll his right ankle. This doesn’t look great, especially so close to the Conference League final.
42 min Chelsea continue to dominate between the boxes. Man Utd need half time, because if this carries on Chelsea will have the first shot on target any minute now.
40 min “I do hope Harry Amass has some clever, Latin-based amo-amas-amat type nickname,” says Matt Dony. “Every time I read his name I go through the full list of conjugations. And, yes, I am good fun at parties.”
It’s a sign of our respective educations that my idea of a nickname for him was ‘contradictions’. Catchy too.
38 min In the last 15 minutes Chelsea have had five shots – all off target, mind – to United’s none. If it carries on like this we’ll have a late contender for stinker of the season.
36 min Neto, the most urgent attacker on the pitch, beats Dorgu with a Cruyff turn but then crosses too close to Onana. That’s the second time he’s done that tonight.
35 min Mount spins Fernandez beautifully and is fouled. I’m surprised that didn’t merit a yellow card because Mount had broken the midfield line.
34 min Chelsea fart around just outside the Man Utd area, which allows Maguire to boot the ball off Neto and behind for a goalkick.
There’s been a goal at Villa Park. If you don’t want to know who scored, don’t click this bait.
33 min Madueke runs Mazraoui and drives a dangerous low cross that is put behind by Casemiro. His near-post positioning was really good there.
31 min Bruno Fernandes is booked for a late tackle on Caicedo. He tried to kick the ball, missed and booted Caicedo in the shin. No studs showing, hence yellow rather than red. Caicedo accepted Fernandes’s apology.
31 min Chelsea are applying some sustained pressure for the first time, and why not.
30 min “Special shout out to Blair Geddes,” says Simon McMahon. “Broughty centre half, all round good guy, and now North of Tay cup winner.”
